By Shavia Johnson
In life, everyone will experience some form of rejection. For some people, it can be traced back to single events that had no lasting effects on the individual. Then there are others, like myself, who encounter rejection at an early age without the cognitive tools or spiritual awareness to recognize that such a toxic spirit came to wreak havoc in my life. According to Apostle John Eckhardt, “the most damaging type of rejection experienced, is that experienced early in life.” I can testify to the truth of his statement as I have lived it for most of my life.
When I was a child, I had an encounter with my dad, which left me feeling abandoned, inadequate, and rejected. I had nowhere to turn with my thoughts and feelings, but inward to my seven-year-old brain, or so I thought. I allowed the lies of the enemy to become my truth. I hated myself and everyone else. Yet, I never stopped loving my dad but would harbor animosity toward him for years to come and punish myself for how he made me feel that one day.
Every decision I made was a result of the rejected perception I had of myself. The crazy thing is that all my life, I was surrounded by genuine love from family, friends, and potential spouses, but I could not comprehend that love, let alone see it. I was double-minded, frustrated, and a people-pleaser, all because in my heart, I did not know or comprehend who I was or to whom I belong. I spent almost two decades walking around bound to this horrible spirit. Even after salvation, I was in captivity of my past. However, Abba worked through me slowly and patiently, one step at a time.
I once believed that after I accept salvation in Christ, Jesus, I would be good to go and free, but that was not my experience. I received the gift of redemption at the age of 16, and it wasn’t until almost 20 years later that I would fully surrender and allow God access to the depths of my heart to begin restoring my inner brokenness. I famished the decade of my 20’s with depression, drinking, drug usage, fornication, toxic relationships, dysfunction, and in so much unhealed pain. Pain so deep that I did not know if I could ever be whole or where healing could begin. But Abba…true to His nature, He met me right where I was and begin to bring me out, with inner healing and deliverance at a slow and steady pace.
Not too long ago, I believed that only healing was a process, not realizing that deliverance is a journey also. Somethings have established such deep, thick, and entangled roots in our hearts that it takes time to remove them entirely, residue, and all. I had to start.
Abba presented the spirit of fear as my starting point. He guided me into learning and understanding the ins and outs of fear: what it looks like, where it came from, why it launches gruesome attacks, and how to triumph it. Abba used fear to begin to show me how He works with, in, and through us as we journey through healing and deliverance and into restoration and redemption.
Have you ever noticed that Abba addresses an issue that entraps us to reveal to us His redemptive power and love for us? God, the Father, engages us in the capacity we can receive His guidance, intimacy, and revelation.
While in training to combat the spirit of fear, God was preparing my heart for more intrusive surgery. I did not realize this until three years later. It was part of the process where my faith and trust in God had to increase so I could receive a more profound level of inner healing and deliverance. I kept peace and comfort in knowing that becoming whole in Christ Jesus is an ongoing process.
After fear, frustration became the issue of life that flowed from the depths of my heart. Why may you ask? People-pleasing, double-mindedness, and feelings of inadequacy are manifestations of the spirit of rejection, which all can become a form of frustration.
One day when I was in quiet time with Abba crying out to Him, asking why do people frustrate me so much? The Holy Spirit showed me a vision of me when I was a teenager; I was getting up from a sexual act with a man and felt so empty. The Holy Spirit told me that I am frustrated with people because I am always willing to give up my soul in exchange for the feeling of being loved. Whoa! The scripture “What profit a man to gain the world but lose his soul,” popped into my mind. It was at that moment that I repented, cried, and sat with my thoughts of interactions with the men in my life, friends, colleagues, everyone. I was ready and willing to sabotage my very soul for a temporary emotional experience.
At that moment, I did not fully understand what had taken place, and it would be a couple of years later when I would realize that Abba wanted my heart, mind, body, and soul, and He wanted all of who I am whole. Yet, it was at that moment that my heart shifted, and I was strong enough to continue the process. I was able to look at myself and Abba in a healthier perspective. He wanted me to understand what real intimacy was, and how my desire to feel love was my soul gasping for an intimate relationship with Abba. Such a burning bush experience with the Holy Spirit brought me from a superficial knowing of Abba into a deep space of oneness I did not know existed.
Over the following months, I continued to identify and uproot areas in my life that distorted my perception of myself, God, and our intimate connection. I continued to invest in myself, learning about rejection and deliverance, relationships, my identity, and Abba. Once you repent and come out of agreement with the lies you once believed about yourself, you are free to move forward to the next level of healing and deliverance until you obtain restoration and reclaim your God-given authority.
I began to see Abba as my Heavenly Father. He is all things to us as we need Him to be, and in this season, He was dealing with the matters of my heart regarding my biological father, where the seed of rejection all began for me.
Earlier this year, my earthly father suffered a rare form of stroke caused by a ruptured aneurysm in his brain. He had an emergency surgery to address the three aneurysms he had and received a 10% prognosis of survival. My dad was in a coma and on life support for 23 days. During this time, I was able to lay everything on the table about my dad with Abba; I received a prophetic confirmation about the healing that was taking place and how much Abba loves me. I experienced Abba in a new way, that released the chains of my heart to receive all His love for me. As a result, there was a release to forgive my dad completely AND to love him wholly and unconditionally, as Abba loves us. Today my dad is recovering well, and we are closer than we have ever been in my 37 years on earth.
You may be wondering what took place with me? I will tell you that Abba used my pain to purify my heart, to draw me closer to Him, to allow me to see Him, and discover my authentic self so I can move forward in the next season in my life. All of it was preparation for the fulfillment of my purpose for being. I could never fulfill my God-given mission while in bondage to pain, and neither can you.
God has been showing me and allowing me to experience His love for me, and in change, I have finally learned to love myself. Rejection is not my portion. I am loved, necessary, and I am more than enough! The spirit of rejection has no power in my life anymore. I had an encounter with the Holy Spirit, ABBA, and Jesus that would draw me into a place where I love myself, entirely. I no longer seek the approval of people. I now trust the LORD wholeheartedly while waiting for guidance instead of moving in doubt and double-mindedness. No longer do I allow negative internal thoughts to run wild in my mind. I have taken back my God-given power and activated my authority over the enemy and his attacks on my life.
Redemption Leads to Restoration
I have been redeemed, in my identity, my relationships with people, and my relationship with God because I allowed Him in to do the work that only He can do. I can finally see myself through Him! Hallelujah Lord Jesus! It has not been a comfortable journey but having the Holy Spirit with me through it all empowers me to keep going while enabling others to start or continue their process from rejection to restoration.
The following are three practical principles to help you ensure that the spirit of rejection and its manifestations have no place in your life:
- Repent– Confess any lies you have believed and agreed with verbally, mentally, and by action. Remember, those decisions and actions were in your heart. With repentance, you are removing and releasing the lies to make room for the Truth.
- Participate in your Process– Intentionally and consistently spend time with the Holy Spirit, allowing Him to flow through you as He guides, reveals, and comforts you. The more you rely on the Spirit of the Lord, the more you are inclined to stay the course.
- Invest in Yourself– A huge part of my continual progress in my healing journey has come from me taking the time to work on my heart, mind, and emotions. Everything else follows, aligns, and falls into place because I use this standard in every area of my life. We should consistently invest in our growth and development in all areas of our lives through prayer, training, books, webinars, etc.
Remember, everything we do begin in our minds. In Christ, rejection is powerless. We are accepted, healed, and restored. Our lives should reflect the freedom, power, and authority we possess. I encourage you to address any areas in your life that rejection has kept you in bondage. The world awaits the arrival of your redeemed and restored self.
Shavia Johnson is a woman of God, Author, Speaker, Youth Advocate, and Restoration Empowerment Coach. She is driven by the desire to see young men ad women experience healing and deliverance from the effects of pain suppression caused bu unresolved childhood trauma. She helps people navigate through the healing process, helping them identify and break down barriers that hold them captive to toxic cycles of bondage.
Contact Shavia: firstname.lastname@example.org